Jerry Garcia’s Elf

It’s almost that stressful terrifying time again! We are a few short days away from Thanksgiving, which means it’s almost time for that damn elf that can’t just sit on a shelf. I’ve been a parent for 2 and a half years. I’ve bought two different elves. I’ll probably finish the North Poles Three’s Company cast this year, because I highly doubt I will remember where I put the last one.

Once I get said replacement elf #3, I’ll have to come up with something clever to have him do every night. Every. Single. Night. We have evil cats, so most of the cute little Pintrest ideas are a no go at our house. The cats leave me having to be original and creative instead of lazy, stress free, and copying. I’m not sure I have many believable excuses left as to why “Jerry” didn’t move (Sassy named our elf Jerry).

Last year I used:

  • Elf flu
  • Broken leg
  • He really liked the view
  • We forgot to leave a light on for him
  • I’m pretty sure you touched him, his magic is recharging.

The smarter and older your kids get, you can’t just give them the excuse and expect them to accept it. You better have back story.

Jerry also tends to do the same activities more than once on occasion. She notices that too. Again, back story.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas, but I never dreamed one little elf would be so much work. This is what happens when people with big ideas take it a few steps too far. I have a full-time job, an awful commute, a house to take care of, a human to keep alive, Jerry’s plans for the night just don’t fall on my radar.

What’s even better is now she’s at the gossip and compare age, and she doesn’t even know it. She’ll go to school and talk to her friends about what their elves did, and then come home and tell Jerry about it, like that’s going to make him step up his game. This is where I’m smarter than her.

I told you she named our Elf Jerry, she wanted to name him Dead. Dead as in The Grateful Dead, not just dead. Luckily, we compromised at Jerry Garcia. We love our music in this house. Little did she know, this gave me an out. When she tries pep talking Jerry in to some ridiculously elaborate ordeal, I remind her that Jerry likes things very chill and peaceful, and those outlandish things just aren’t in his wheelhouse but we love him anyway.

I’m sure in a few years, she’ll be drawing up name change paperwork. Until then, I can continue to slide through Elf season by the skin of my teeth, thanks to Jerry Garcia.



13 thoughts on “Jerry Garcia’s Elf

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  1. I regret bringing the damn elf into my house. As for people bringing them back for valentines, birthdays and Easter, they can go jump. I would seriously think about telling my son that Santa is so busy this year that he can’t spare any elves, but I don’t think I could deal with how sad he is. So I grit my teeth and plan the 24 days

          1. LOL, I used loo roll last year, I can probably think of a few more, the elf breakfast, but I assume everyone does that. the elf getting stuck in the cat flap. The cats where not impressed. Wearing Daddy’s underpants. Underwear thrown up on the tree and all around the lounge. I think I have exhausted most of my ideas and am going to have to go back to the first year. Hopefully he doesn’t remember that

  2. I refused to get into the elf, and made sure everyone heard it loud and clear. THEN, a family member hid an elf in their Xmas tree and as we were leaving she “made him fly to our house” where he resides in my attic all year until December. My now 10yo daughter continues to ask for him and I still have to do this stupid elf every year, just for her amusement!


  3. Our Elf is scheduled to return in a few days time. The children suddenly remembered it at dinner last weekend, and started babbling excitedly about the things it has done in the past. They MUST know by now that it’s not real, right ?

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