32 Years Ginger

This is an accurate representation of how I woke up this morning, except Kent gave me coffee with my crown!

In honor of my 32nd Birthday, I thought I would write down 32 things I have learned in my 32 years. Not many of these will be useful.

  1. There really is a big difference in SPF 50 and 100. I don’t care what the experts say, I’m an expert in not having melanin and my skin will match my hair if I use anything less than SPF 100.
  2. In emergency situations, an eyelash curler can be used as a bottle opener.
  3. Not all friends will stick around for the long haul, but the ones that do, stick around like an octopus on your face.
  4. I will never be able to whistle or do a cart wheel and I’m totally ok with it.
  5. You’re never too old to call your mom for answers to questions you don’t know and don’t feel like googling.
  6. Satan created laundry.
  7. Hot sauce can make anything taste better.
  8. Never settle, it will not end well if you do. Hence, why I’m divorced.
  9. You can never own too many books. Ever.
  10. You’re never too classy to drink wine from a box. It’s just economical.
  11. The best friends to have are the ones that make you laugh until you pee a little.
  12. I cannot pull off short hair. At all.
  13. Dogs have too much energy for me, I’m a cat person.
  14. The older you get, you realize not all beer tastes the same.
  15. Being a ginger has a certain stigma around it, but it’s my favorite thing about myself.
  16. There is actually never a time that I don’t feel like eating pizza.
  17. The more humid the air, the bigger my hair!
  18. You’re never too old to use your manners.
  19. “Bless your heart” can be the sweetest condolence, or the meanest snap back.
  20. Not everything is microwave safe.
  21. It’s OK to be the beautiful mess that you are.
  22. I never knew how much of a control freak I am, until I became a mom.
  23. My high school math teacher is a dirty liar, I have yet to use calculus. Ever.
  24. My dream of all dreams is to go to Ireland.
  25. You are not your mistakes.
  26. Anxiety is a little bitch.
  27. All of the naps you refused to take in kindergarten will catch up with you.
  28. I’m tougher than I ever imagined.
  29. Music can be healing.
  30. Taking a child to Chuck E Cheese is not for the faint of heart.
  31. I don’t have a mood that offering me a snack won’t improve.
  32. People aren’t meant to apply mascara with their mouth closed.
Obligatory Childhood Picture and only photographic proof that I ever fell victim to bangs.

And one to grow on… the older you get the meaner your hangovers are. SO. MUCH. MEANER.

And a very merry un-birthday to you!