32 Years Ginger

This is an accurate representation of how I woke up this morning, except Kent gave me coffee with my crown!

In honor of my 32nd Birthday, I thought I would write down 32 things I have learned in my 32 years. Not many of these will be useful.

  1. There really is a big difference in SPF 50 and 100. I don’t care what the experts say, I’m an expert in not having melanin and my skin will match my hair if I use anything less than SPF 100.
  2. In emergency situations, an eyelash curler can be used as a bottle opener.
  3. Not all friends will stick around for the long haul, but the ones that do, stick around like an octopus on your face.
  4. I will never be able to whistle or do a cart wheel and I’m totally ok with it.
  5. You’re never too old to call your mom for answers to questions you don’t know and don’t feel like googling.
  6. Satan created laundry.
  7. Hot sauce can make anything taste better.
  8. Never settle, it will not end well if you do. Hence, why I’m divorced.
  9. You can never own too many books. Ever.
  10. You’re never too classy to drink wine from a box. It’s just economical.
  11. The best friends to have are the ones that make you laugh until you pee a little.
  12. I cannot pull off short hair. At all.
  13. Dogs have too much energy for me, I’m a cat person.
  14. The older you get, you realize not all beer tastes the same.
  15. Being a ginger has a certain stigma around it, but it’s my favorite thing about myself.
  16. There is actually never a time that I don’t feel like eating pizza.
  17. The more humid the air, the bigger my hair!
  18. You’re never too old to use your manners.
  19. “Bless your heart” can be the sweetest condolence, or the meanest snap back.
  20. Not everything is microwave safe.
  21. It’s OK to be the beautiful mess that you are.
  22. I never knew how much of a control freak I am, until I became a mom.
  23. My high school math teacher is a dirty liar, I have yet to use calculus. Ever.
  24. My dream of all dreams is to go to Ireland.
  25. You are not your mistakes.
  26. Anxiety is a little bitch.
  27. All of the naps you refused to take in kindergarten will catch up with you.
  28. I’m tougher than I ever imagined.
  29. Music can be healing.
  30. Taking a child to Chuck E Cheese is not for the faint of heart.
  31. I don’t have a mood that offering me a snack won’t improve.
  32. People aren’t meant to apply mascara with their mouth closed.
Obligatory Childhood Picture and only photographic proof that I ever fell victim to bangs.

And one to grow on… the older you get the meaner your hangovers are. SO. MUCH. MEANER.

And a very merry un-birthday to you!

Terrors of Adulthood

Since I have a tendency to celebrate Halloween for the entire month of October, I thought I would compile a list of things that become horror movie level terrifying once you are an adult. These things at one point in your life, didn’t phase you, you didn’t give them a second though. Now they give you that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.

 

The dread of feeling like you forgot something. Especially if you’re a parent. It’s that feeling that starts driving you crazy, and you have no idea what you could possibly be forgetting, but you’re sure it’s important.

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Sudden sharp pains in random locations. You just know death is near.

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Checking your bank account. Math is hard.

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Realizing that your high school class is running the country. I don’t think this needs much explanation. That’s terrifying. We are not responsible enough. I still call my mom for answers to questions I’m too lazy to google.

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Waking up the morning after drinking. It’s not going to be good. Ever.

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Laundry. It’s just always there. You finish it, you actually put it all up for once, and then there’s more of it again.

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Hope this gave you a little chuckle to make a Monday bearable.